24 May 2006

"i'll take something to believe

something with long sleeves"

I was thinking about people today, and their thresholds for dealing with things, like pain, frustration, stress. Sometimes I see other people and they are like freaking out about something that doesn't seem like a big deal to me, and I think, well, geesh, just chill out. And that is kind of a jerk response, because I freak out about stupid shit all the time, so why can't I just have some sympathy or empathy for someone else freaking out about their stupid shit, and maybe their capacity for dealing with said shit is at a different level than mine?

And then I think about people who deal with some really heavy stuff in their lives, and I think, how do they do it? I mean, do you just deal with something like that when you get to it, and deal because there is nothing else you can do but deal? Where do you find the strength to handle that really shitty life stuff that comes up, and not that I've ever directly had to deal with anything like that, I've lead a pretty happy and safe life, but how does one deal? And then when I think about people dealing with some really tough stuff, I think, what the fuck am I freaking out about my lame-o problems for? And then I freak out about their problems, because, I don't know, because my heart is too soft. I can't handle the idea that people that I love and care about may be dealing with some really bad stuff. Its too much for my little self.

And all of this comes back, like so many other things, to my lack of faith. My mother would say about all of this, something like, "well, you just have to trust in God, etc." But I think I've lost that ability (and I don't know if I ever had it). My rational, scientific, educated brain says, uh, where's the logic in that? And since it can't put the pieces that make no sense together, it won't let me. And I envy people who have that. I don't know how to get it. This posting has gone a different direction that I thought it would. At any rate, I was thinking I would post the lyrics to a Pedro the Lion Song "Secret of the Easy Yoke" because it fits my feelings on this matter, and my mental state today, in a way. Enjoy.

Secret of the Easy Yoke- Pedro the Lion

i could hear the church bells ringing
they pealed aloud your praise
the member's faces were smiling
with their hands outstretched to shake
it's true they did not move me
my heart was hard and tired
their perfect fire annoyed me
i could not find you anywhere
could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you, and somedays
i don't love you at all

the devoted were wearing bracelets
to remind them why they came
some concrete motivation
when the abstract could not do the same
but if all that's left is duty, i'm falling on my sword
at least then, i would not serve an unseen distant lord

could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you, and somedays
i don't love you at all
if this only a test
i hope that i'm passing, cuz i'm losing steam
but i still want to trust you

peace be still

18 May 2006

Today is the greatest...

Yesterday was a big day. I went and saw Posiedon (not so much good), I saw the Shaky Hands play at the Holocene (very good), and there was a four alarm fire in SE Portland (probably not good, but interesting anywho), with flames and everything. Now it smells all like smoke outside, I hope I don't die from, you know, like smoke poisoning. :) Check out my Shaky Hands pictures. They kind of suck (the pictures, not the band), cuz I don't have a totally pimped out camera, but they are cool non-the-less.

16 May 2006

Remington Steele

Dude, it's Pierce Brosnan's birthday today. My tv writing professor, Thom Bray was in an episode of Remington Steele, fyi. It was called Signed, Steeled and Delivered. Damn I love cleaver episode titles. He's a cool dude. Thom Bray that is, not Pierce. Actually, Pierce is probably cool too. Or not. Who knows. It's his birthday anyhow.

10 May 2006

homage to my hips

By Lucille Clifton

these hips are big hips.
they need space to
move around in.
they don't fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips.
they don't like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved,
they go where they want to go
thehy do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top!

* I get to recite this poem in class tomorrow. i thought it sounded cool, and it was one of the shortest poems in the book that still had over 14 lines in it. awesome!

you know what rules?

the fact that today, i got to see lindsay lohan's new movie just my luck, for free, mission impossible 3, not for free, and got a kick ass birthday present from mark, 4 8 15 16 23 42. getting late birthday presents rule! i am now officially a lost nerd, got the t shirt to prove it. :)

08 May 2006

Poem 5- May 8 2006

Here is my lame ass attempt at writing a sonnet. Please feel free to laugh.

The Star

She was not bright like the sun in the sky,
Not clever, smart like the learner of books,
This Star, she never ate candies or pie,
She had to rely on her girly looks.

These appealing looks, they took her so far,
From modest home, to flamboyant manor,
Not a pretty face around could stand par,
They all sneered, ‘cause she held the banner.

Much like her smile, her looks soon did fade,
A face once so clear, smooth like still water,
Now looking back on the life she had made,
No legacy, not even a daughter.

Never the less, she holds her head up tall,
In her mind, she’s still the best of them all.


On another note:
What's hot this week? Espresso... Sunny Day Real Estate and the sweet vocal stylin's of Jeremy Enigk... Whiskey... Six Feet Under... William Butler Yeats... Vegan Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies (wrap your mind around that last one ya'll).