20 December 2006

Chronic Cold and Other Musings

It’s slow, the way he doesn’t notice his fingers getting cold. It’s so gradual that by the time it actually happens, and they are cold, they are really cold. He rubs them together, right hand over left, left hand over right, back again. Blowing over them with damp breath. It helps for a moment, but only so. He is now fully aware that his fingers are cold, and it only draws to surface the fact that other things are cold as well, like the tip of the nose. He cups his hands over it to warm, but it does no good. The cold fingers won’t warm the cold nose.

His nose is a problem. He has one of those perpetual colds. It’s a constant, and yet also intermittent, sniffle. Chronic Cold. Perhaps it comes from his years as a smoker, although the smooth taste of a Lucky hasn’t graced his lips in over 5 years. He thinks to himself how it doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done. He thinks generic thoughts like that, and wonders if he will ever thing of something brilliant. He thinks that he probably won’t, and it makes him sad.

The cold doesn’t make him sad though. In a way, it’s become a comfort, a constant, like his Chronic Cold. Every year, it sneaks up on him, the cold. As if one summer afternoon he fell asleep, and awoke to find it was winter. Somewhere, in dreams, he remembers the red and yellow of autumn, and it makes him smile a small smile. One of those smiles that starts in the mind, but somehow doesn’t make it’s way all the way to the lips.

Autumn never seems a complete season. It’s always a hazy passage between the heat of summer and the chill of winter. It’s the journey, not the destination, although he would chastise himself for thinking it in such a cliché. He thinks that it would be lovely if it were full, like the winter, but all of the musings in the world won’t make it so. He knows this very well. He has no delusions that he can change the world.

He has a few delusions that he can change himself. He points to quitting smoking as evidence of that. The truth is, he was never much of a smoker. Deep down, he knows that he romanticized the entire thing, but it’s something to talk about.

“Care for a smoke?” He imagines someone might say.

“Oh, no thank you,” He might reply. “I Quit.”

The other nods. “Yeah? Good for you. I’ve been trying for years. It’s just so hard, you know?”

Now he nods. His nod tells the other he knows. “I know,” he replies.

He imagines conversations going like this. He puts himself in places he knows they might come about. In smoke filled bars, standing near ashtrays outside of buildings and at bus stops, in the corner cafes. Sometimes it works, and he gets the change to tell the other about his triumphs over tobacco. He doesn’t talk a lot though. It’s not his style. He has to have planned it all out first. The smoking bit he has down.

But he has to work on the autumn bit. And the Chronic Cold bit. He hasn’t rehearsed them yet.

12 December 2006

Clip Number One

So I didn't finish my novel for nanowrimo. Didn't even come close. It was lame, it sucked, I hated it, and I seemed to start it over like 200 times, with 200 different directions and ideas, and even characters, which makes for a pretty scrambled story. It an attempt to humiliate myself, I thought I would randomly post some clippings from said lame novel here. It reminds me of something my buddy Joe Keatinge does on his page, something called useless conversations, you can check that out at joekeatinge.blogspot.com. I'll hotlink that later. I'm feeling lazy right now. I need some tea and a cigarette.

Here is Clip Number One:

“Oh, frick,” Amber said, looking at her watch. “We’re gonna be late meeting Beth and James. You still want to go, right?”

Drew sighed, and then nodded.

“I mean, I know you’re probably tired, from your plane ride and all, traveling, it’s just that, with the new baby, they don’t have much time, I just worry that we might not get a chance to go out with them again before, you know, before you have to go again,” said Amber.

“Let’s go then,” Drew said, getting up. He put out his hand to help Amber up. She grabbed it, and they made their way to the car.

“Beth looks so great, I mean, for just having a baby and all, you won’t believe it,” Amber said.

“I’m sure,” Drew replied, not really interested. His interest in Beth had lasted for about three months their sophomore year of high school. That was how long it took for him to get her in bed. She wasn’t as fast as many of the other girls he had gone out with, like that bitch Kimberly, but she wasn’t a prude either. She was pretty, but not beautiful. The kind of pretty that an honest guy could fall in love with, but Drew wasn’t that guy in high school. It seemed perfectly fitting to him now that she would be married with a kid. He was a little surprised that his friend James had been the one who had managed to snag her, but he was a good guy. Always had been.

Squirrel Cow Monkey Orange

27 November 2006


i haven't blogged here in ages. shit. i got new windows today. i need a roommate. someone was supposed to show up today to look at the house and they didn't. i hate that. it's like, just fucking call me if you decide not to come over. damn. i bought this mitch hedberg comedy cd, and it is fucking hilarious. i love that guy. so funny.

i typed in vintage frog into google image search. and this is one of the pictures that came up. weird. i love finding weird pictures on google image search.

things i'm into lately: martin scorsese movies, leonardo dicaprio, brandy, the office, pizza, and peppermint chapstick.

thank you, and goodnight.

07 November 2006

blog blog

So I started this whole, write a novel in a month thing. check it out here nanowrimo. not my novel, the website. my novel is in total sucksville right now. I hate it almost as much as i hate the fact that i can't find disc 6 to buffy season 4. you know, it sucks to loose a cd or a dvd, but it really sucks when it is part of a set, so it's like, i can't just get a new disc 6, i would have to buy the whole of season 4 again. damn. anyways i'm sure its just stuck in with a cure cd or something... i'll find it in like twenty years. i'm in a pissy mood today, so here are a few songs that i decided to listen to to bring up my spirits... walk through the fire- from the buffy musical episode... downtown by petula clark because it's weird and makes me happy and sad at the same time... higher and higher by jackie wilson, one of the few songs, in my opinion, that one can't help but be happy while listening to, if they only played this song for people who were about to commit suicide, i think the song would bring them back from the brink of death. seriously. anyways i'm gonna go waste some time and play the sims 2. i'm going to try and get my daughter into private school today, so i better clean up all those bags of chips lying around the house. :)

20 October 2006


I'm blogging about my trip to nyc, so if you want to hear about it, check it all out at my myspace blog, blog.myspace.com/cleartrampoline read it and enjoy. when i get some pictures for viewing i will post them here at blogspot. :)

28 September 2006

Gilmore Girls

So I didn't watch much of Gilmore Girls Season 6 while it was on. It was a time conflict with something else I was watching, I can't remember now, but I just didn't really get into season 6. That is, until I got it on DVD on Sunday.

Now I know you are all thinking, what's with C. buying DVD's and CD's when she's got to be saving up money for her trip to NYC in October? Yeah, that's a good question. I don't have a good answer. I'm a media slut. Something cool comes out, I must have it. I've been able to contain myself a little, I haven't bought Lost Season Two, Veronica Mars Season Two, or Grey's Anatomy Season Two yet, but I will get around to it. Probably after NYC. I really need to save some more money to spend in that expensive city.

Now lets get back on topic. Gilmore Girls Season 6 was a little rough, what with Rory and Lorelai being all mad at each other for the first half of it, but overall, and especially when you've viewed the entire season over four days, it's got a lot of good drama, and the whole season is like a build up for what happens at the end of the season. Good storytelling. Rory and Lorelai both have some heavy relationship issues to deal with, and they both seem to handle things a little differently than we would have expected them to. Like Lorelai putting up with all of Luke's crap, like not letting her meet his daughter and putting off the wedding and shit, that was kind of weird, but she finally stands up for herself in the end. I think we really see how much Lorelai has grown as a character over the course of the series, before, like with Max, and to a certain extent, with Christopher, you see a Lorelai that is too scared of commitment, but when she finally goes for it, she gets let down by Luke. It's such a blow. No wonder she goes out and sleeps with Christopher. I also love the two episodes with Jess. He's like the character that always tells you how it is. Like Spike on Buffy. Maybe you don't want to hear it, but it's what needs to be said. I like that about Jess. And he's a little hottie.

The season 7 premiere was interesting. With a new show runner, Dave Rosenthal, it had a lot of the same ol' Gilmore Girls feel to it, but there was just something different about it I couldn't put my finger on. Everything seemed just a tiny pinch off. I think it will come together though. I'm interested in seeing what happens with Lorelai and Luke and Christopher and all that. I'm also interested to see what happens with Rory, will she stay with Logan now that he is in London? Lord knows what happened the last time they were 'apart'. I'm torn when it comes to Rory and Logan. On one hand, I think he's kinda cool, they have great chemistry together, but on the other hand, he's like one of those jerkholes who chicks like and you are always like, why do you like him, he's an jerk. I kinda just which Rory and Jess would end up together, but let's face it, 'Jess' who is played by Milo Ventimiglia has a new hit show, which I hope will live for seasons and seasons called Heroes. But that's a whole 'nother post.

I think I've said enough, and then way way way too much about Gilmore Girls. I know I'm a geek, you know I'm a geek. Let's just leave it at that.

TV On The Radio

So TV On The Radio has a new album out. It's called Return to Cookie Mountain. Good name.

And the album is good too. If you liked their album Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes you will like this new one. Some more of the same sweet TVOTR sounds and some new kick ass songs. It's awesome. I just got it today, so I don't have any in depth analysis to give you, but I've already listened to it twice, back to back, so that says something, the least of which is that I am a little neurotic, but you all knew that.

If you think they're awesome, you should go see them in concert. They put on a good show. I saw them a while back at the Doug Fir before this album came out. They played a lot of the new stuff and rocked out. I really love when I get all into a band, and then go see them live, and they kick ass. It's a great feeling.

TVOTR are playing in Portland on October 2nd, at the Wonderballroom, but if you live in other lands, check out their tour page for shows near you. You will be glad you did.

If you haven't heard TVOTR and you are thinking, huh, maybe I should check em out, just go to itunes and dl the song Staring at the Sun from the Desperate Youth album. If that doesn't get you into TV On The Radio then your ears are broken.

And that's all I have to say about that. For now. Stay out of trouble kids.

It's blog time

I plan on blogging a ton a ton today, because I have the internet and the day off. Good times. Get ready for tv, movie, and music reviews, as well as general ramblings from me. :)

23 September 2006


90210 Season One. Out on DVD this November. I haven't been this excited since Saved By The Bell came out on DVD!

20 September 2006

A haiku for today

The rain is pouring
Nice to have you back old friend
All is good again

07 September 2006

new things, new things

Some new things that I like...

TV: Let's see, have I mentioned my new obsession with the show Prison Break? Cuz it's awesome. Also, I'm into this new show on the USA network called Psych, its funny and quirky and I love it. Check it out. You can download episodes of it on itunes.

Movies: Ok, I remember an old friend of mine from Idaho, Elton Kelly, mentioning this movie, All The Real Girls, like, two years ago. So, I got around to checking it out from the library this week, and I just gotta say it is like my new favorite movie. Beautiful, quirky, funny, sad, sweet. It really is beautiful. There aren't enough beautiful movies out there, you know? Speaking of good movies, I finally saw My Own Private Idaho, another really great film. If you haven't seen either one of those do yourself a favor and check them out.

Music: So I've been listening to the Arcade Fire lately, I'm always like years behind when it comes to hip bands these days, but these guys are good. I didn't like them when I first heard them, God knows why, I didn't like the Postal Service when I first heard them either, but then I got over being a total snob and got into the goodness. Anyways Arcade Fire is good, it hits a spot, you know? Anyway check out their album Funeral. It's cool.

And for a totally bizarre new thing: I just saw a new gap commercial with Audrey Hepburn in it and I about cried. It's one thing to get someone who is ubercool to be in a lame commercial, but it is quite another when they aren't even alive to say, hey, I don't want to be in a gap commercial. It's just criminal. That's all.
That's it for new things. Check ya later cyberspace.

01 September 2006

You know what rules?

I'll tell you what rules, the up coming Star Wars exhibit at OMSI. Check out the website for it here. I, being a huge star wars geek, am going to be in geek heaven, especially if I get one of the positions in the exhibit, I should find out soon, had the interview last week, hopefully it all pans out... If not I'll be there in my usual capacity, once a week or whatever. I'm also going to work the opening, which will be at midnight on the 11th of October. Ah, just like the good old days when I saw episode one at midnight with Amelia Puffin. Where is that girl anyway?

28 August 2006

39 Favorite Things.

So E. Bailey, my good friend, has requested that in the spirit of Robert Smith, we make a list of our 39 favorite things. You can check out her explanation for this over at her blog, Sladkaya. I haven't planned this out a head of time, so I'm just going to write the first 39 favorite things that come into my head. Here goes. In no particular order...

1. Bagels
2. Espresso
3. Forests
4. Tattoos
5. Fruit
6. Sparkling water
7. Lavender
8. Mt. Hood
9. British television shows
10. Tomatoes
11. Microbrews
12. Laughing
13. The ocean
14. Belle and Sebastian
15. The Mission Theater
16. Good friends
17. Memories
18. A nicely sharped pencil
19. Soup
20. The Cure
21. Stephen King
22. Kale
23. Walks
24. Firefly
25. My mac
26. The Portland Art Museum
27. The Shaky Hands
28. Road trips and long drives
29. Podcasts
30. The Sims 2
31. Cigarettes (v. bad I know...)
32. Taking photographs
33. Literature
34. Autumn
35. Shakespeare
36. Riding the bus
37. Good music
38. Good movies
39. Good TV

And there it is, take it or leave it. :)

24 August 2006

OMG, I like, totally graduated from college

So yeah. I graduated. It basically rocks. Having a Bachelor of Arts in English with a minor in Professional Writing is just so rewarding, I mean, I'm getting job offers left and right. Actually, I'm interviewing for this job at OMSI for the upcoming Star Wars exhibit, you heard right folks. I might actually get paid to talk about Star Wars for 4 hours a day, 5 days a week! Oh my. What will they think of next?

10 August 2006

Prison Break

I have a new tv obsession. Prison Break. Action action action. It's awesome. I haven't had that good old I can't stop watching this even though its like three in the morning and I have to get up early tomorrow for a long time. It's good to be into something again. :)

P.S. Did I mention that I'm graduating from college? If any of you all are going to be in my town, give me a call or an email or something of the like. I will invite you to a party at my house.

I can't really say that I've ever had a big party at my house, and by my house I mean any house that I have lived in. On the one hand, I want to have a huge party to commemorate myself for finally graduating from college, which may not seem like a big deal to some it is a mighty big deal to me. On the other hand, do I really want to do deal with all that a party entails? There is so much responsibility there. I just want to have fun. blogspot

09 August 2006

nothing's gonna change my world

I shaved my legs yesterday. For the first time in like... I can't even remember. It feels nice. Soft. They look so pale.

So I'm sitting on my front porch, and a man walks by, carrying two grocery bags from safeway, and he says to me "I saw you yesterday."

That was it.

What the hell does that mean? Like, he saw me yesterday sitting in this exact same spot with my computer stealing wifi from some unsuspecting neighbor? Or, he saw me doing something illegal, like when I killed a cat and robbed a bank yesterday? Kinda weird, no?

A thought, from me to you, from the Beatles "Across the Universe"

Images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe...

07 August 2006

buffy yeah!

i get to go watch buffy tonight. at the mission theater. and angel is going to go all evil and shit. and i'm gonna drink some beer. and it will be fun. wish you all could be there. :)

04 August 2006

clerks 2

so i saw clerks 2 yesterday, and i gotta say, it didn't suck. infact, i found it rather entertaining. jay spoofing that creepy guy from silence of the lambs was priceless. is it a little weird that i want jason mewes to be my boyfriend? that is a little weird. i'll just answer my own question.

01 August 2006

tuesday afternoon

Let's see. I haven't really posted much lately, so I feel like now that I am sitting here drinking a double espresso on ice and doing nothing much else I should come up with a good blog or something.

What's new? Well, nothing much. I'm going to be graduating August 19th (cross your fingers). That's pretty exciting, because it's really not that far away. All that's standing between me and being a college graduate is finishing this news writing class. :) I'm actually really enjoying it. I think I could be a reporter. It's pretty fun. Lots of work though. I just want to do something to put my degree to use, you know? I don't care what it is, but I want it to be worth something (because it has cost me a lot).

Well, what else? I've been listening to my friends the Shaky Hands, you can check them out at myspace. They are good. And I have had PLENTY of friends who were in bands, so I know how lame it is to say 'hey these are my friends, check them out' but the Shaky Hands are really really good.

What else? Well, I've been working like a... a something that works a lot. I worked pretty much every day in July except for the 4th. That was crazy. August is pretty busy too, but I think I managed to schedule myself one day off a week between my three part time jobs. :)

I've been taking a lot of photos lately. I really like taking pictures. I think I've been coming up with some cool stuff, but I just have a little point and shoot digital, and I'm not really getting the picture clarity and results that I want with it. Some day when I'm making some big bucks I'll buy myself and nice shiny expensive camera.

I spent a lovely day hanging out in Hood River last Thursday. I drove to HR Thursday morning thinking that I was working at Elliot Glacier Public House only to find out that I was not. Ordinarily this kind of schedule confussion would have made me frustrated, but since I hadn't had a day off in eons I was kinda excited. I spend the day with Sarah Breeze, we went to the river and lounged around and I saw some peeps in HR I hadn't seen in a while, and I went to a going away party for Adam Lappiere who has gone off to Japan for a spell.

Anyway that's about all I have for now. Keep it really ya'll.

blog blog blog

"i never really cared for a guy who's kinda smarmy."- overheard at sydney's cafe. :)

i want some grapefruit.

i miss my dog jake.

who wants to go see clerks 2? kinda? sorta? maybe?

where's my pedro the lion t-shirt?

16 July 2006

say what ?!?!?!?!?!?

quoting sladkaya-
you need to post something new.

my rebutle-

you need to shut it. no, seriously, i haven't had the internet for like a month. thus, times. and today i burned my fingers, on a burner after slipping in some water, lame story, although i would prefer if you told people that it was from touching lava. that sounds way cooler. i got two comments on my, i mean mayhaw's robert plant shirt. man, if he thinks he's ever getting it back, he's in for a hearty chuckle. or maybe i am. ha ha ha ha ha!

24 June 2006

Serenity Now/ Equality Now Portland Screening

So last night I wandered over to the land of NW Portland to see the movie Serenity on the big screen. Now, granted, I did see it on the big screen 4 times while it was out in theaters, but this showing was something else. First of all, it was for charity. Put on on Joss Whedon's birthday to benefit Joss Whedon's favorite charity, Equality Now. I'm all for the charity cause, but being nearly a charity case myself, it was a bit of a struggle for the 10 dollar ticket price. I conceded, of course, because, well, as those who know me well I'm a slave to the Firefly/Serenity 'verse.

The night started off with a quick bus ride on the 9 over to downtown Portland. Not sure of which bus to take, and not having the foresight to check on it before leaving the house, I decided to just walk from Pioneer Square to Cinema 21. I ended up walking through a little section of down town that I rarely see, even out the window of my passing car. It was strange, and cool, as I strolled along glisan listening to my ipod on shuffle. You know when you fill you ipod with songs that you love and then you put it on shuffle? Its like, you are almost always giddy with what song gets played. Anyways it was a nice walk, the weather being all nice and warm these days.

Anyway I stroll up to Cinema 21 a little after 8pm. The show is reportedly supposed to start at 9pm, so I figure, get there a little early to get a good seat, chill in line and watch for fanatical folk dressed up and wearing brown coats. I gotta say, I'm a little surprised there weren't more people dressed up in costume. There were quite a few people wearing Serenity shirts, a few wearing my personal fav, the Joss Whedon is my Master Now shirts, a few people wearing Blue Sun shirts, a few people wearing shirts that I hadn't really seen before, and a few people wearing Jayne's hat, but as far as costume sporting, I really only remember seeing a girl dressed as Kaylee from the pilot episode, with the silk jacket and the parasol. It was pretty cool though. Oh, and there were a few people wearing Hawaiian shirts, which I'm assuming was a nod to Wash. As I was standing in line I remembered one of my old tshirt making ideas, a tshirt with the phrase 'we're just here to meet boys'. I was thinking about how I could change the shirt just a little to fit any occasion, like if your going to be seeing Serenity with a sold out group of fans at Cinema 21, you could wear a shirt that says 'we're just here to meet browncoats' or if you are going to a comic convention or something equally geeky, you could have a shirt that says 'we're just here to meet geeks' etc etc. I'm gonna have to just start making them in my basement. People can place their orders at any time. :)

So back to the line, when I got there a little after 8pm I was getting in like just about before the end of the block. I was thinking, ok, not bad, maybe 50 people in line before me. Caldoni shows up, and we chat up on topics ranging from daily life in ancient Rome to zombie movies from the 40s. That guy is a respectable conversationalist, I have to say. Its like he knows information on any topic you could possibly bring up. Its awesome. So while we were talking in line, and eavesdropping on other dorky conversations that were happening around us, time flew by and before you know it, it was after 9pm, and they began letting people into the theater. I handed over my ticket, and received another ticket of sorts.

It's a pretty cool design, and has the number 87 on it. I think Caldoni got the number 86, so I'm assuming that means that I was the 87th person let into the movie. So we get into the theater, and pass tables selling merchandise and raffle tickets, and head up to the balcony. I reflected to Caldoni that the last film I think I saw at Cinema 21 was that movie Spun, starring Jason Schwartzman, which kinda sucked. Now that I think about it, I think I saw the director's cut of Donnie Darko well after that. Not that any of that matters, as Annie Hall would say, La-di-da, La-di-da.

At any rate, we find some seats, and it being a little after 9, I assumed the show would start quickly. Well, since there were so many darn fans (of which, I gotta say, I'm a little pleased about, Portland having such a great Browncoat population), it took forever to get every one seated, and after a few introductions, and a round of happy birthday for Joss, the show finally started. Now, of course, I've seen the movie quite a few times, as I'm assuming many a person in the theater did as well, so any time something cool happened everyone cheered or clapped. Or when anything funny happened, the entire audience was laughing as well. It was kinda cool. When the screen goes black and quiet and that Serenity logo appears on the screen, I just get all giddy inside, and you could feel that everyone in the room felt the same way. And that's just nice. Although I just have to mention, out seat picking skills were a little lacking on this day, because both Caldoni and I ended up sitting behind people that we couldn't see over, and so the constant struggle of trying to look to one side or the other went on throughout the film.

Overall, it was a pleasant showing. The film ended, and being it was already later than expected, we didn't stick around for the credits to roll. Walking out on to NW 21st, I realized that bus 17, which goes to my neck of the woods, stopped on that street, and Caldoni and I went our separate ways. It was a little serendipitous too, because the movie got out just after midnight, and the last bus on that line arrived at the stop at 12:15. I rode home, again donning the ipod, and read a rather disturbing chapter in Stephen King's The Cell. A bus ride is always a good end to the night, gives you time to think.

All in all, it was good times, and an excellent Friday night.

24 May 2006

"i'll take something to believe

something with long sleeves"

I was thinking about people today, and their thresholds for dealing with things, like pain, frustration, stress. Sometimes I see other people and they are like freaking out about something that doesn't seem like a big deal to me, and I think, well, geesh, just chill out. And that is kind of a jerk response, because I freak out about stupid shit all the time, so why can't I just have some sympathy or empathy for someone else freaking out about their stupid shit, and maybe their capacity for dealing with said shit is at a different level than mine?

And then I think about people who deal with some really heavy stuff in their lives, and I think, how do they do it? I mean, do you just deal with something like that when you get to it, and deal because there is nothing else you can do but deal? Where do you find the strength to handle that really shitty life stuff that comes up, and not that I've ever directly had to deal with anything like that, I've lead a pretty happy and safe life, but how does one deal? And then when I think about people dealing with some really tough stuff, I think, what the fuck am I freaking out about my lame-o problems for? And then I freak out about their problems, because, I don't know, because my heart is too soft. I can't handle the idea that people that I love and care about may be dealing with some really bad stuff. Its too much for my little self.

And all of this comes back, like so many other things, to my lack of faith. My mother would say about all of this, something like, "well, you just have to trust in God, etc." But I think I've lost that ability (and I don't know if I ever had it). My rational, scientific, educated brain says, uh, where's the logic in that? And since it can't put the pieces that make no sense together, it won't let me. And I envy people who have that. I don't know how to get it. This posting has gone a different direction that I thought it would. At any rate, I was thinking I would post the lyrics to a Pedro the Lion Song "Secret of the Easy Yoke" because it fits my feelings on this matter, and my mental state today, in a way. Enjoy.

Secret of the Easy Yoke- Pedro the Lion

i could hear the church bells ringing
they pealed aloud your praise
the member's faces were smiling
with their hands outstretched to shake
it's true they did not move me
my heart was hard and tired
their perfect fire annoyed me
i could not find you anywhere
could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you, and somedays
i don't love you at all

the devoted were wearing bracelets
to remind them why they came
some concrete motivation
when the abstract could not do the same
but if all that's left is duty, i'm falling on my sword
at least then, i would not serve an unseen distant lord

could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you, and somedays
i don't love you at all
if this only a test
i hope that i'm passing, cuz i'm losing steam
but i still want to trust you

peace be still

18 May 2006

Today is the greatest...

Yesterday was a big day. I went and saw Posiedon (not so much good), I saw the Shaky Hands play at the Holocene (very good), and there was a four alarm fire in SE Portland (probably not good, but interesting anywho), with flames and everything. Now it smells all like smoke outside, I hope I don't die from, you know, like smoke poisoning. :) Check out my Shaky Hands pictures. They kind of suck (the pictures, not the band), cuz I don't have a totally pimped out camera, but they are cool non-the-less.

16 May 2006

Remington Steele

Dude, it's Pierce Brosnan's birthday today. My tv writing professor, Thom Bray was in an episode of Remington Steele, fyi. It was called Signed, Steeled and Delivered. Damn I love cleaver episode titles. He's a cool dude. Thom Bray that is, not Pierce. Actually, Pierce is probably cool too. Or not. Who knows. It's his birthday anyhow.

10 May 2006

homage to my hips

By Lucille Clifton

these hips are big hips.
they need space to
move around in.
they don't fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips.
they don't like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved,
they go where they want to go
thehy do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top!

* I get to recite this poem in class tomorrow. i thought it sounded cool, and it was one of the shortest poems in the book that still had over 14 lines in it. awesome!

you know what rules?

the fact that today, i got to see lindsay lohan's new movie just my luck, for free, mission impossible 3, not for free, and got a kick ass birthday present from mark, 4 8 15 16 23 42. getting late birthday presents rule! i am now officially a lost nerd, got the t shirt to prove it. :)

08 May 2006

Poem 5- May 8 2006

Here is my lame ass attempt at writing a sonnet. Please feel free to laugh.

The Star

She was not bright like the sun in the sky,
Not clever, smart like the learner of books,
This Star, she never ate candies or pie,
She had to rely on her girly looks.

These appealing looks, they took her so far,
From modest home, to flamboyant manor,
Not a pretty face around could stand par,
They all sneered, ‘cause she held the banner.

Much like her smile, her looks soon did fade,
A face once so clear, smooth like still water,
Now looking back on the life she had made,
No legacy, not even a daughter.

Never the less, she holds her head up tall,
In her mind, she’s still the best of them all.


On another note:
What's hot this week? Espresso... Sunny Day Real Estate and the sweet vocal stylin's of Jeremy Enigk... Whiskey... Six Feet Under... William Butler Yeats... Vegan Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies (wrap your mind around that last one ya'll).

23 April 2006

Poem 1- April 11, 2006

Girls in pigtails, ponytails, play jump rope in the street.
Their hair bounces up and down.
Down pouncing with knees like kittens,
Up, reaching for the lukewarm sky.

Underneath the swaying lines of clothes,
Under the sign reading junk
Boys with boney knees and elbows
Throw sticks at the scabby cats in the alley.
Their elfin faces wince in pain each time contact is made.

The neighborhood women hang their ample bodies
Out of their second story windows
Hoping for a glimpse, a scent, a breeze.
Too old for jump rope now.
They, like the flowerboxes in the windowsills
Won't make it through winter.

22 April 2006

16 April 2006

the prids

don't you love it when you randomly go to a rock and roll show and you have a freaking awesome time and the band totally rocks? i know i sure do. i should be going out every night! last night it was the prids at the doug fir. the doug fir is this too hip for school place that looks like its out of the 70s in the coolest way possible. the reason i wanted to go there was a. i'd never been and it's kind of a notorious place, and 2. because the mercury gave the show a star, not that that really means you are destined for a good night. the bass player in the band kind of looks like frankenstein when she plays, i don't know what it is but its funny. that doesn't really say anything about their music though, which is cool. check it out on their site if you have intrests. one of the funniest parts of the night, however, was finding this piece of paper on the floor after the show, and i'm like, hey, stephanie, you should pick that up, and she's like, ok. so we look at it and its like a photo copy of some dudes passport with someone elses phone number scrawled on the back. weird! i thought to my self. even wierder when i saw this guy who looked strangely familiar near the bar. it was him, i was like, hey is this you, and he was like, uh yeah, where did you get this, and i was like, well i found it on the floor, and he was like that is really bizarre because i did not bring this here, and i was like, weird, be my boyfriend. actually i didn't say that last part. but it was funny. anyways thats about all i have to say about that part of the night. the rest i will just give to you in two words: union jacks.
the end. :)

12 April 2006

hey yah

nothing is really new. i'm in a funk lately but it'll pass. have you seen the show weeds? it's on showtime and its pretty good. you know what is awesome? hbo's new show big love. right now there is a preview for the show invasion and i swear to all that is holy that it has been on for like five minutes. i want more lost! you know who's awesome? seth green. yeah. ok, bye.

31 March 2006


so i was doing all these stupid quiz things while at work because i'm bored and most of them were really dumb and i didn't agree with the answers except this one. heck yeah.
The Cure Shares Your Taste in Music

See their whole playlist here (iTunes required)

27 March 2006

maui parte deux

maui is rainy. maui is full of people who forgot their brains on the mainland. maui is beautiful. what else? i'm having a pretty good time over here, despite all the rain. did a little hiking the other day and it was like wandering through the jungle on lost. yesterday we did this big ol drive through the northern part of maui which is very mountainous, and the road is like something out of the backcountry of washington. barely big enough for one car to fit through. it was awesome. here are some pictures. i'll write more laters.

p.s. I'm having some lame-o trouble loading up pictures today so if it doesn't end up happening then I appologize, they will come soon enough.

21 March 2006


Hey all. I am just jotting down a quick little post to shout out, "Hey! I'm going to Maui tomorrow!" I'm excited. If you want a post card, email me your address at my email or message it to me on myspace. Ugh. Back to my final postcolonial theory research paper. This one's a dousy! Can't. Wait. Til. Tomorrow. No. More. Homework. Brain, hang on a few more hours!

08 March 2006

Natalie Portman Rap

Did any of you all watch snl last week? Check out this video , it is freakin' hilarious. the part with the little girl dressed up as padme amidala from star wars, oh man. rolling on the floor laughing.

05 March 2006


So Laura and I saw the academy award nominated documentary (although not winner) Murderball the other day and I just had to give it a shout out. It was good. I don't usually go for the documentaries because I'm all about the fiction for the most part but this movie sucked me in, it was a fascinating. It follows a few of the players for the USA and Canadian Quadriplegic Rugby Team. These guys are hard core. Check it out. P.S. Mark Zupan rules.

04 March 2006

I take photos

So spent all of my tax return money already. I bought a membership to the Portland Art Museum and a digital camera. Not a bad deal. I just have to say that this digital camera thing rocks! I can't believe I waited this long to get one! They take freaking awesome pictures. Oh man. Anyways here are some things from my day today.

this is Mayhaw and I think it should be like an album cover or something. Very cool.

this is Leah being ironical by smoking and wearing a no smoking shirt.

this is Laura bowling and I just like it because I managed to get Laura and the bowling ball framed in the picture nicely.

that's all I have for now. I'm sure that there will be many more photos to share, especially when I go to Maui.

27 February 2006


Take this sweet quiz that is all about me. If you get a score less than 50 % then I won't be your friend anymore. Have fun!

Camille's Quiz

26 February 2006

Looking for a good laugh?

Check out this awesome movie reviewer I found over at IMDB. This guy, Jojo-31, regretfully stop reviewing movies in 2002 but some of his best reviews are from the 1999 era. He does a really good job of completely spoiling the plot for any perspective viewer and manages to make Nick Pounders and I almost fall on the floor laughing with his amazing insights. Seriously, especially Joe and Alex, you guys are going to like this. I especially like his reviews of Remember the Titans, Training Day (or as Jojo likes to say "Denzel Washington + Butthole = Oscar for Best Actor"), Twister, Platoon, Friday The 13th (in which he completely spoils the surprise ending), Highlander "one of the best medieval movies ever made", Rock and Roll High School Forever, and last but not least, his stellar review of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Check it out.

23 February 2006

all about me

e. bailey tagged me so here it is folks.

*four (other) jobs i've had:

i'm guessing this doesn't include my current job...
i've worked as a barista at Mt. Hood Meadows
a teacher's assistant at the Helen Gordon Child development Center
a barista/sandwich extraordinaire at Wy'east Naturals
and i worked at Bogus Ski Basin in the rental shop passing out boots to the kiddies

*four little-known facts about me:

this is hard, my life is an open book...
i saw Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace 8 times in theaters
i went to private school until third grade
i really really really love the movie working girl
i own an autographed picture of david boreanaz

*four city airports i have visited:


*four favorite male actors:

johnny depp

ewan mcgregor

clint eastwood

bill murray

*four foods i hate to love:

hate to love? well since i'm not eating dairy anymore i guess that would all evolve around my cravings for just that

pepper jack cheese
sharp cheddar

*four websites i visit daily:

internet movie data base
all music
4 8 15 16 23 42

*four things i want to do before i die:

write my "great american" novel
have a baby
travel around the world
say the phrase "this is the happiest day of my life" and mean it

*people i'm tagging

joe keatinge
alex arrowsmith
nick pounders

and who else reads my blog...

21 February 2006

This hit me

I finished Sula, by Toni Morrison today. I wanted to share a passage, with you, blog reader, because it was one of those passages in a book that takes one's breath away because... well, the because is always the tricky part isn't it? This passage from Sula, a small paragraph near the end of the novel, took my breath away. A rare but welcomed experience. There is something so surreal about the connection a reader has with the fictional characters in their lives. I find it often in novels, but it happens in film and in television as well. I get so wrapped up in what is happening, the story and these people, or this person, who is not real. FICTION. And yet for some reason my emotional center cannot draw a line between the real and the fiction. Its such a weird thing, isn't it? I can single out some of the times that it has really hit me- a few times in the Dark Tower, book four The Wizard and Glass, and book seven The Dark Tower; as a kid or teen when reading a novel by S.E. Hinton called That Was Then, This Is Now, and somewhere in my hazy love of Firefly and Serenity. So many times this connection gets brought to life through death, ironically, but it's not always that way. Anyway I have gone completely off topic. Back to my paragraph from Sula.

I must preface this by saying that it is a pretty major spoiler, major plot point reveal, so if you haven't read it and are thinking you will, maybe you aught to pass by. If you are thinking, I don't really care, then read on. It doesn't way as heavily out of context, but it is still powerful.

From Sula, the end of the chapter titled 1940:

While in this state of weary anticipation, she noticed that she was not breathing, that her heart had stopped completely. A crease of fear touched her breast, for any second there was sure to be a violent explosion in her brain, a gasping for breath. Then she realized, or rather she sensed, that there was not going to be any pain. She was not breathing because she didn't have to. Her body did not need oxygen. She was dead. Sula felt her face smiling. "Well, I'll be damned," she thought, "it didn't even hurt. Wait'll I tell Nel."

This is an almost lovely picture of death. I read Stephen King, I watch a lot of horror films, and death is never portrayed in a pleasant or even non-terrible way in those genres, maybe there is some exceptions in some of King's work, but I don't want to get into that right now. Maybe it is that there is more death in those genres, by the very nature of them, that makes me use them as a comparison, but I feel that I never get any, and I don't want to say pleasant because I'm not really certain that is the word I'm even looking for here, but I like this passage of death, because it is not terrifying. And that is refreshing to me, being a fearful person of the big END. I really want to feel that it's not terror-full, which is probably why I should stop watching horror movies... at any rate, I just wanted to put this out there. Think of it what you will.

17 February 2006

Everyone needs a little more me

So I decided to do a little self portrait work. Here are my results. There are captions below each picture, in case the action was not obvious.

This is the ever popular 'take my picture in a mirror' photo

This is my very own version of that famous painting 'the scream'

This is when the cameras lens cover didn't open all the way

And this is me looking a little frightened. Or is it frightening?

16 February 2006

Built To Spill

OMG! One of my top 10 all time favorite bands, Built To Spill, has a new album coming out April 11th and you can now buy some of the new songs on itunes. This is excitement. Now if we could get a new one from Radiohead the year 2006 will be complete.

What's hot what's not

Editor's Note: I'm posting this at my blogspot page and on my myspace blog because I would like to tell everyone about what is hot and what is not, and since some of you read this and not that and visa versa you will get to read, if you so desire, this intimate look into the neurosis that is C. If you read both blogs then you are just going to have to chill, and find something cooler to do.

So I'm going to do something I used to do all the time on my merrychristmasladies page. Ok, ok, so not all the time, but on a semi regular basis. I'm going to do a what's hot and what's not list. This is a list of things that are currently hot with me, as in music I'm listening to constantly or food I'm eating or TV I'm watching. Check it out!

Hot things this week:

Getting an A on my Eng 448 midterm.
I don't really like to brag, but, actually I do. I love getting A's because for the most part I am a lame student and don't put much work into anything that I do, so when that lack of work is recognized with a good grade I feel AWESOME.

Belle And Sebastian
Ok, I know that I have talked about this band before, but hot damn. I can't get over how good they are. It's always so awesome to get back into something you were once really into but for one reason or another that obsession faded, like most obsessions do. Anyways I'm totally into the song on the album of the same name "The Boy With The Arab Strap" it's so freaking hot I could dance. That's how I know a song is hot hot hot, when it makes a lame-o dancer like me want to dance.

quitting smoking
Now this is something that is almost the kind of thing you don't want to mention because then you are bound to fail and have people make fun of you for not being successful, but I am on my way to being a non-smoker. I don't know how I really even became a smoker, seeing how I never even touched one of the cancer sticks to my lips until I was 19 (thanks e. wheeler) but nevertheless I have become slightly into cigarettes for some time now. I never reached the whole chain smoking thing, I mean, at most I probably would have like 5 cigarettes in one day, which is really nothing compared to the "pack or two a day" that those really cool smokers like John Wayne do. Anyways I had always kind of put this ceiling on my smoking, saying to myself, well, I will stop before I turn 25. Well folks, that is in April, so I thought I would get a jump start on that whole thing by trying to quit now. What better time than now to cut down on something that is slowly killing you, right? So that's hot, quitting smoking. Now if only I could manage to not think about smoking every single second of every single waking moment then I will be good.

Buying tickets to Maui
So it's confirmed in written in stone, I am going to Maui for spring break. This is awesome, because A. I've never been to Hawaii or any place even remotely tropical before and 2. Because I've never even left the continent before. Now I know that Hawaii isn't like another country or anything, but I have to travel over a large mass of water, or is it body of water? Anyways it is far far far from here. It's there. And that's cool. As much as I am afraid of flying to my certain death I think it will turn out to be really freaking awesome.

Ok, so lost was awesome this week. It was thrilling and when the counter got down to zero I about choked watching as those Egyptian glyphs flashed. The black and the red just looked so freaking menacing! It was freaking awesome. So now I wonder if anything happened because Locke got those numbers typed in late or if he got them in in the nick of time. That show is so awesome!

What's not hot this week

Dang I came up with so many things that were hot this week, what is not hot? Well...

Quitting smoking
Quitting smoking sucks. It's hard and not fun and I just want to smoke more now that I did before but I know it is good because I don't have a death wish and boy do I wish cigarettes were good for you like in that Woody Allen movie where he goes to the future and Diane Keaton is like, duh, they are good for you and if only huh? (Run on sentences rule!)

Oh boy I had a dousy yesterday. Migranes are these weird things, I'll try to explain in the case you have never had one. So it starts of with a head ache. Minor, and you are like hm, I think I'm starting to get a headache throughout my entire head, although right now its not that bad. Then it starts to get worse and worse, and within an hour or so your whole head is throbbing to the beat of pain and your neck hurts and your stomach says, hey I want to be in pain too, so it decides to make you feel so nauseous that you can't get up off your bed for fear of vomiting. Good stuff. Luckily I found some relieve in a bottle of aspirin and my migrane subsided within a few hours. Ugh. I imagine that is what dying feels like, and if so then you can count me out. Immortality is for me.

Ok, that's all I could come up with for my not hot list. Lame I know but I thought, why spread bile when I could spread smiles instead? Eh?

14 February 2006

Laugh out Loud

So I was sitting alone, being all depressed about being alone on this momentous holiday, when I saw a funny thing during a commercial break for the wb show Supernatural. It was a Pepsi commercial staring Jimmy Fallon and, one of my all time top five favorite actresses Parker Posey. Now typically I would be like, ugh, these people I think are funny and cool have stooped so low they are doing a Pepsi commercial, but what I actually thought was, dang this is the funniest commercial I have seen in a long long time. Good stuff. Check it out here ya'll.

13 February 2006

I Love TV

So I know, I know, whistling that same old tune, but damn do I love TV. "What's my latest obsession?" You ask. Well I'll give you a list. In no particular order.

Ok, maybe in a particular order. Deadwood is a western on HBO, and it is awesome. Grizzly and entertaining to the maximum.

Now this is a show that I thought I was too good for, seeing how its all about plastic surgeons, and I am above all of that plastic looking barbie shit, but seriously, gritty gross surgery bits aside, this show is good. Good good drama.

Battlestar Galactica
So granted I've only seen the miniseries, I think this show is my newest obsession. Its got all the good scifi fit to, you know, watch. Sassy characters, drama, excitement, killer robots who look like humans, I mean cylons. Oh boy. Good stuff.

So those are my new TV obsessions in a nutshell. Of course, I'm, as always, really into the Joss Whedon shows, which as of late has been all about Angel Season Two since I just got that on DVD. If you want to have a good time, check out some of these shows. There is sure one here to fit your fancy. Although I don't recommend eating during Nip/Tuck, its just kind of gross.

07 February 2006

Dog Brain and The Cat That Came Back

Remember those Nickelodeon shorts Dog Brain and The Cat That Came Back? I blogged about this over at myspace, but I just had more words to speak about it. Soo funny. I wish there was like a DVD collection of those, but alas, there is not. I did find this sweet website with screen captures of many of them though, so be sure to check it out. Thanks to Ky for reminding me about The Cat That Came Back, I had completely forgotten about that one.

03 February 2006

My 50th Post! Boo Yeah!

So today was like the slowest day ever here at OMSI. I think I hurt my finger. I don't really have anything to blog about other than the fact that I have a ton and I mean a ton of homework to do this weekend and not enough hours in the day. I wish I just had time to just chill oot and drink some beers and have some laughs. The sun'll come out tomorrow...

01 February 2006

Groundhog's Day

Ah, it's that time of year again folks. Groundhog's day. I urge all of you to go out and rent the hit film with Bill Murray, and check out if ol' Punxsatawney Phil see's his shadow tomorrow. I know I'll be waking up bright and early to see for myself!

26 January 2006

Digging tunnels in the snow.

So I read this little piece of news today and thought, dang! I love tunnels. This idea is so fascinating I don't know why there aren't more of them. We should have a tunnel that goes to Disneyland and a tunnel that goes to Hawaii. When I was a kid any time we got a large amount of snowfall I always tried to dig tunnels in our yard. Usually they didn't work, because, lets face it, you need a little more than four feet of snow to build a good tunnel, but I was always fascinated with the idea. Although I have a slight tendency to be, oh, what it is called, afraid of small confined places... Although not really. Going to the lava caves in middle school was fun. Hm. We should build a tunnel to Mexico too. I can't believe California thought of it first! Oh wait, they do share a boarder. Anyways. Fun.
The end.

25 January 2006

I am not dead but I am not alive

You know what looks cool? Cell by Stephen King. You can read the first two chapters here. Zombies that are not dead sounds like good clean fun. Also, check out this because it's just funny. I like you Stephen King.
The End.

22 January 2006

three compweeter for price

Yesterday I finally got around to buying one of the albums I lost in the great 2005 car theft year. Belle and Sebastian's Boy With The Arab Strap. I forgot how much I love that album. Good good stuff.

Today chips ahoy cookies were buy one get one free so I bought one and got one free and they taste like artificial flavors.

Tomorrow I'm going to do homework all day because I didn't do any homework all weekend.